Trust In Me.

I don't know where to begin to be honest. No. Scratch that. I don't know where to end...

I'm confused about a lot right now. And bummed out, I guess you can say. And you probably already know why.

Truth is, I don't know where to go from here.

Is it right to leave here?

Is what I want right at all?

I'm tired of being alone. I miss you so much... so much.


There's so much I want from you. I still don't understand what happened as much as I want to understand. I don't.


Sometimes, I want to be angry. Sometimes, I feel I have a right to be angry, but I can't be. Not at you at least. Not at finally seeing you happy.


I will put my emotions aside for you anyday.


I want you to talk to me like I'm your best friend. Kinda like you did Sunday night. I felt happy with you trusting me like that all over again. And I want you to know and believe that the advice I gave you was from the bottom of my heart. Not because I still want you or I'm just your ex girlfriend.

I want the best for you. And I know you deserve better.


But it's hard to take advice about relationships from an ex that you know still has feelings for you, I know. I'm sorry. But I just want you to know that I will put my feelings aside to push you toward the person you want to be with. Or even the relationship. Even if it's not me. As hard as it may be for you to believe, I will put aside my emotions for you. I always have. If it makes you happy, then so be it. Trust in me.


I'm here for you.

'Just Friends'

You know, I used to think that you could be best friends with the opposite sex, and that nothing could go wrong. I always thought that falling in love with them would be even better than just starting a relationship with someone you just met two days ago. I mean, what could be better than spending all of your days with your best friend? Maybe I was wrong...?




I've had my opportunity for friends, but I don't take them solely for this reason. I'm scared to fall all over again. At this moment, this is the thing that I fear most.



One of my worst fears is losing those that I am closest to...



But losing you is worse. You are more than just a person to me. You became everything to me. And this, I'm not sure that you'll ever comprehend, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.



It's been a month and nine days, and the pain is still there.



I can't help it. No matter who I talk to, how distracted I am, or who I decide to hang out with, I want more than anything for them to be you. And I'm not sure how long this will take until it finally fades away completely, but in some odd way, I kind of like it, and yet, I hate this feeling more than anything. I haven't exactly figured out why, but I'm sure that time will tell.



Incomplete; Hopeful; Unhappy, yet happy for you; I don't know...



There's a huge part of me that wants you so badly still. But there's also the part that's learning to accept and be happy for you. You've found what you've wanted. Or so it seems.



And even though at times I feel that you treat me like a stranger, I refuse to quit and break my promises. I'm still here, babe. Always will be. You keep me alive still. And as fragile as my heart feels right now, is as tender as all the love that I will continue to give you.



You are still in my life. And as much as you may forget it, I'm still in yours...



Let me be there for you. Let me be the one you can come to if you have a problem.



'I help you, you help me' right?



Well, this is how it's gonna work...



Thank you<3

Santa Can't Afford This. I Promise You.

"You can close your eyes to what you do not want to see; but you cannot close your heart away from things you do not want to feel."

almost a whole month has passed, and i still want you.. i can't let go. i'm still reaching out to you, baby... i'm still in love with you. no matter how long I last without talking to or seeing you, it's there. and it just seems to keep growing the less i see you. that feeling. that thought. those memories; they're embossed into my mind.

the memories are the most difficult thing. everything reminds me of you. places, cameras, basketball courts, movies, grass, rialto, fontana, ontario, disneyland, six flags, singing, my clothes, certain scents, Mirages, writing, penguins, pandas, dogs, wintertime, december, january, all the months of the year, laughing, stupid jokes, 'baby', thinking about my future, driving, video games, the way i do my hair, my makeup, guitars, music...and just soo many other things. they all just point toward you.

i'm trying my best to get up and move forward, but you don't understand...  you and i, we've been everywhere.. we talked about everything. now the only thing that i can talk to is stupid paper, or this stupid screen...

i'm angry. i'm mad. i'm frustrated. i'm happy for you. i'm sad.

i can feel you.. i can hear you. still.

what's wrong with me??

i'm losing it..

I told you that I would be lost without you. i knew it...

i wish i knew everything..

where i went wrong.

i've never regretted anything in my life, and you know that. but the one thing, and the only thing i know i'll ever regret, is losing you...



i wish that there was something that i could do or say that would bring you back. bring everything back. to reunite us.. you have no idea how many times a day i wish this.. i'm lost. i'm broken. i'm incomplete...



nothing that anyone can say, or do can change that... i know it. i feel it...



nobody warned me about heartbreak because i never believed in it. not with you.. ever.




i love you, andy j. guzman.
and that's where it will always stand, my feelings...
they will go no where else from here.





goodnight. and sweet dreams, my love.

<333 01.08.08 <333