Irrelavantly Relavant.

On Thursday night, we decided to try this again. I know, you're a bit iffy about it, but I will change the way you think and feel about it. I promise.

At one point two years ago when we had just met, I asked you for a favor. And that favor was to help me accomplish something. Two months later, we had began our relationship, and I felt that this was what I was going to accomplish: spending my life with you. As long as it took for me to learn, and as difficult as some things were for us, we had already accomplished the beginning of a new and beautiful relationship. From the difficulties of our families, to my instabilities, and more, we accomplished it all.

Two years ago, I asked you to help me accomplish something, and our relationship turned out to be what I was going to accomplish. The reason I got so angry when I heard that you wanted what you wanted was because I was still working so hard, and I was so determined to getting to what I wanted to accomplish. To getting to what you promised we would get to. I had finally gathered the strength to accomplish what we had talked about for almost two years. And then, it all got taken away just within a few tears and soft breaths. It was a matter of moments, and it was all gone...

I had changed and put so much effort into this relationship. As long as you say that it took, and as many things as you had to teach me, it paid off very well in the end. I'm no longer that little girl that walked up to you in that choir room with nothing but ignorance and weakness to shine through her; I am anything but that now, baby. Today, I stand tall (not literally speaking, of course) and strong and it's gonna take a lot more than just distance to knock me down. Yes, it is because of you, but I think it's also because I stepped up. I grew up. I stopped being that kid you first met. I have put my effort in this relationship.

So, now, I'm asking to let me accomplish this. Let me be the one and the only one to keep that smile on your face. I'm not asking you for help, baby, because I know that you've done your part. I am willing to do this on my own. The reason I'm a lot stronger now is for this. In the meantime, you take your time out to gather yourself together.

You now know that I've been looking for a job like crazy these past few days. I will find one if it kills me just so that I can see you when you need me. So that I can get to you when you need me, and so that nobody else has to do it. I'm tired of being hurt because somebody else has to be there a lot of the time instead of me. I'm tired of hurting, baby. I'm tired of seeing you hurt. I love you so much, and when you're not happy, I'm not happy. If you're hurt, I'm hurt.

All you have to do for now is have faith. Believe that I will do this. I promise you. I will prove to you that all of this is happening because it's just another obstacle for us to overcome, baby. This relationship will be what we've always said it was. It will be what we've always wanted and more. I promise. Just hang on for a bit. Everything is going to change. I promise. God will help us get through this all.

I love you and I miss you so much. I'll see you soon, but in the meantime, stay strong for me, and keep your head up, and pray. We're going to be okay. I promise, baby.

I Love You, Penguin.

<333 01.08.08 <333

Always...

My Love, My Love...

This last poem was written August 29, 2009 by you.
I remember reading this poem, and feeling the most beautiful thing in the world. If I knew the word for it, I would use, but I know it wasn't love. It was something more. I remember I even teared up, and you made fun of me for it. Nothing in the world will ever be able to top what I still feel for you or how appreciated I feel of you. You gave me what nobody could ever give me. You made me feel wanted, appreciated, loved, but you also showed me and reminded me what 'stability' was. I'm not sure if I will be able to feel that again, but I just want to tell you that I will work my ass off to make this relationship continue.

I honestly no longer know what more to say. I've said all that I had to say to try to stay with you..

The only thing that I believe that I can do is work my ass off from this point on. I know we're meant to be. I feel it. And honestly, I really hope that you find what you're looking for because I really miss and need you like you'll never ever know right now. You've put your part in enough, I guess. And I guess that now, it's my turn to make a change for us. So don't worry, baby. Everything will be fine. I promise. Just please wait for me. Please. Make this worth the wait. And I'll do my best to make my part worth waiting for too. I love you and I miss you soooo much, my Penguin. I still have 74 more penguins to give you, by the way, and the rest of my life too.

Goodnight for now.

Always <333 01.08.08 <333

Happily Heartless by Andy Jonathan Guzman

My lungs gasp for air as i fall to the black & white tiled floor.
My breath has been taken!
But by who? Why me? Have i been mistaken?
My shivering arms wrap around my ailing chest but i come to realize that my blood is seeping through my shirt and vest.
My heart has been stolen!
But by who? Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Who could this thief be?

Blood covers the black and white tiled floor.
Touching every wall even reaching the old wooden door.
A shadow emerges through the poorly lighted hallway.
Opens the old wooden door with its bloody hands and asks if i am ok?
and as she came closer I realized than my thief is a woman but unlike an that i have ever known.
A smile that lit the darkened room and a presence that did not indicate any sort of doom.
Unsure of the sincereness i respond with nothing and she replied to the silence by laying with me in this dark bloody room.

She leaned over and placed her head on my bloody vest.
Took her hand and dug into her chest.
Placed her heart into my hands.
Pressed her lips onto my cheek.
Approached my ear and whispered" my heart is yours to keep and in me there is no other you will have to seek"

One year, six months, twenty-one days later i remain happily heartless.

Happily taken.


Happily loved.


Happy.